Dare to take a chance

Another Nimbuzz story

2010-04-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

Nimbuzz.

A chatting facility that I have joined for quite sometime. It has given me many friends. most of them are strangers, some of them are old friends. It gives me good friends. People come and go. Some have great impression, some are disappointing, some are rude. Many kinds of people's characters are here. But in the end, only best people stay.

In this post, I wanna quote one episode in my nimbuzz life. I happened to visit one of the chatrooms Last Sunday. In that chatroom, there was a guy who said :

Guy : hi. I'm from UK. 38.
Me : hi dazz of UK

then suddenly he asked me to chat in private.

Guy : hi. asl?
Me : Lol. Indonesia
Guy : age?
Me : 33. Lol
Guy : I'm looking for a wife from asia
Me : really?
Guy : yea. I really like asian women.
Me : Lol
Me : people are lying at the chatroom
Guy : yea I know. but I'm genuine. you can ask me anything and I'll not lie
Me : Lol. wow, genuineness is a very rare thing nowadays. ok.
Me : my first guestion is
Me : how much do you earn in a year?
Guy : 12000pounds
Me : Lol. I thought you're gonna be mad being asked about that
Guy : Lol
Me : what do you do for a living?
Guy : I'm a cab driver
Me : why cab driver?
Guy : I love driving, and being a driver allows me to know a lot of people
Me : hummm...ok

Then I forgot what else I asked him.

Me : you know what I'm feeling now?
Guy : what is it?
Me : I'm feeling like an interviewer. Lol
Guy : Lol. So do I pass to be a husband?
Me : Lol. only if you're a muslim =))
Guy : oh. guess I failed on that.
Me : =))
Guy : hey, have you ever considered of having a boyfriend from UK?
Me : Lol
Me : I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm looking for a muslim husband.
Guy : well then, I guess I must say goodbye now.
Me : bye =))
Guy : bye

Lol...

What a conversation!

FYI, this conversation is in the exact words, although it has the same essential.

My Man. You.

2010-01-19T17:44:00.000-08:00

My man. You.
As humble as you are.
As understanding as you are.
As patient as you are.
As decisive as you are.

My man. You.
As loving as you are.
As affectionate as you are.
As passionate as you are.
As gentle as you are.

My man. You.
The one who will guide me.
The one who will lead me. to the right path.
The one who will remind me when I slip to the wrong path.
The one who will build me a beautiful house in heaven.
For both of us. and our offspring.

My man. You.
As humble as you are.
As passionate as you are.

Yes. It's you. :-))

* Gasps * People DO change..

2009-12-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

Do people change?
Do people really change?

They do.

Harsh. But they do. I do. You do. All of us do. * sighs *

We don't realize why and how we change, though. Sometimes we don't realize it until other people tell us.

I realize it. Now.

I did have great friends in the past. We did things that we thought really mattered at those times. Not as crazy things as I expected, though..but It DID mean a lot for us.

Looking back at those times...

Well...seems like, what we did in the past..things we did in the past are not that important anymore when I look at it now. The things that I've been through. The many people who come and go in my life. The different surrounding I am in.

They make me change. I guess it's all crap when people think that they don't change.

But one thing I hope for sure..

Whatever changes I made for my life..I want it for my own better me. * grins *

while at yogya-part 2

2009-09-03T16:50:00.000-07:00

Yogyakarta...a city of art and all traditions. A city where there are kings..and queens...and princes...and princesses...

One traditional menu (not) from Yogyakarta, and it is called Soto Banjar. Don't ask about the taste. It's YUMMY...*grin*..

nice, eh?

Another sight of the back..

The stairs to the second floor - leads to the art exhibition - at the back of the Vredeburg.

The Oldy goldy bikes....

Posing with the onthels ( old bicycles ).

while at Yogya...

2009-09-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

Another spot inside the port

Beringharjo Market on the background

The cool spot on the second floor

The first building on the right

The Vredeburg Port

There was a kind of art exhibition inside Vredeburg Port - a kind of port from the Dutch colony era in Yogyakarta - the name was FKY ( Festival Kesenian Yogya ).

ONE HORRIBLE NIGHT

2009-08-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

August 15, 2007

Lemme tell u ‘bout my last night’s experience…

Last night was my schedule to come to my private student’s house in Pudak Payung. FYI, Pudak Payung is soooooo… far away from my house, if you go there from my house you have to take approximately 40 minutes, and from Tembalang around 10-15 minutes. In short, people think that I was a bit crazy to take that private student. Including my little brother, well he wouldn’t complain if the fee was higher than what I got now ( he is the one who has to ride me there, he thinks that with that amount of money, the journey to Pudak Payung isn’t worth doing. He deserves to complain, though J )Uh, well..I have my own reason.

Anyway…

I got off LIA Tembalang at around 7 P.M. the journey was fine, but when we arrived at my student’s house my little brother felt there was something wrong with our motorbike’s back tire, but he wasn’t so sure ‘bout it, so after dropping me off, he continued his journey to my auntie’s house in Gedang Asri (a housing complex roundabout Ungaran).

He picked me up at around 9. Fifty meters from my student’s house, suddenly he told me that we had flat tire, right at the back tire he sensed earlier. Uh, well..I was a bit shocked, but I remained calm, no need to get panicky because of that. We walked with our motorbike, while wondering where we could find a tire man (you know what I mean).

Here comes the most frightening moment…

I have a traumatic experience with dogs..

We arrived to an intersection. There were lots of dogs ( roundabout 6, I presume ) right in the middle of the intersection. My heart was pounding bit by bit, I knew that to get to the other way, we needed to pass those horrible dogs ( they look hungry in my eyes). We asked people from that neighborhood if they happened to now if there was tire man nearby. And as Indonesian normally do, they deliberately informed us that there was a tire man on the main street, we only had to turn right a bit, went up, got to the main street, and made another right turn.

To do that, of course we had to pass those terrible horrible frightening dogs. My little brother left me just like that, I was very frightened to start walking. The gentlemen tried to comfort me by saying “ Hey, it’s okay..just ignore them, and keep moving “. In my heart, I grumbled “ How could I become so calm in front of those fierce faces? “

I think those dogs could sense my fear. They started barking, when I glanced, I could swear that some of them were ready to chase me. OMG, I was so scared I could barely move, but I tried not to run, because I knew if I ran they would think that I were their bait, so I kept moving. It turned out that I took the wrong side which made me had to go farther to reach the right way, and I didn’t have a gut to cross the street. Finally, one of the gentlemen decided to help me by assisting me to my destination. My legs were trembling when I reached the street. My brother was waiting for me on the half way to the top (it was rather a steep street). I stopped for a while to comfort my shaking legs, then I started moving. I was angry with my brother to leave me with those dogs ( how I hate them so much ). He said he had to move fast because of the steep way ( he was the one who had to walk with our motorbike ), if he walked slowly he would be much more exhausted. I understood and I forgave him. The dogs were not a matter anymore anyway.

The journey continued….

We reached the top of the street, and made a right turn. We had to walk up again, we couldn’t see any tire men nearby. We kept moving, and I was wondering if we could finally find one of them. After several minutes walking, I saw a tire man stand across the street, but guess what? It was closed!!

We kept walking until we find kind of factory or office I didn’t quite notice, and my brother asked me to ask a security guard in that building. I asked him, and he answered we could find a tire man before the gas station ( still in Pudak Payung ). Again, we walked up ( I couldn’t imagine how tired my brother was). Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, finally we found Mr. Tire man right after Payung Asri Hotel. You couldn’t imagine how grateful I was to find our savior.

But again, we couldn’t go home earlier, the tire man couldn’t find the problem easily, when he was finished with one hole, and he tried to put the inner tire inside the outer tire, it seemed that it couldn’t get done. After several attempts, finally it could be done. Time : 23: 20. We hurried home, and because it was already late, there were only one or two vehicles passed the street, so we could arrived home fast. Time : 23:45. What a night!

Am I Somewhat A Commitmentphobic? lol

2009-08-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

Long long time ago...
when I was in junior High school, a friend of mine used to say that I am a kind of person who is not easy to deal with. I like to come closer to someone, but when the person wants to get closer to me, I run away.

I was not a very friendly person, now that I remember that. I was always showing an uptight facial expression to everybody, not that I did it on purpose. That made me sort of isolated from society and lack of friends, let alone guys. I never showed any interested face on them.

I was raised by my aunt and uncle, my father's big sister. She is, was, a kind of person who couldn't express her love openly. She was not the kind of person who liked to hug, or kiss to express her love. She was not the kind of person who can not say " verra honey" or "verra, my love". Nope! She was definitely not that kind of person. What she was carrying on was somewhat affected on me. I grew up like her. I can not express my affection towards people. It's not that I don't love people around me. I do. But it's very hard to express my feeling to them through action or words. When people get closer to me and they show too much attention or affection I would withdraw myself, consciously or unconsciously.

Guys are afraid of me.

There were many occasions when people around me said :

1. " My friends are afraid of you..." said my big bro, but then he continued..."but when they know u better, they said that you are Ok..
2. " My friends are afraid of you..." said my little brother.
3. " There will be some guy who will say that he likes you..if only you open your eyes.." said one of my neighbors ( no one had a dare to say that to me eventually )
4. " There will be some guy who likes you..just wait and see.." said my college friend asuringly ( in the end...no one had a gut to come closer to me..) :-))

And now....
I am feeling like withdrawing myself again...

There is a guy I met at a cyber world. He is much younger than me. Like...12 years younger - he just turned 20 this month - He is a nice person. A bit naive. And I can tell that he is not a really social person. He is smart. He likes to think big, I mean, his interest in social matters and also religion are huge. We like to talk about anything...music..movies..anything. I like him. He considers himself as my devoted student. He listens to me. What surprises me so much is that he is very sensitive for a guy. Oh! FYI, he is an Indian. And by the way, I have known him for almost a year now. Anyways..I have a facebook account. I invited him to be one of my friends. He confirmed. But then..there is something that slightly annoyed me...that was when he likes to comment on my status at facebook...I don't feel right. It seems like...he is trying to be involved in my personal matter. Yet, I couldn't tell him. I don't wanna hurt his feeling. I tried to avoid him by writing my status in Bahasa Indonesia ( Indonesian language ), but sometimes..he likes to dropped a comment, too..although he doesn't understand the language. I feel like...I have been invaded..I feel like I wanna withdraw myself from him...Actually I am sort of avoiding him right now...but I don't wanna hurt his feeling...Actually...if he doesn't try to be closer to me, maybe..just maybe..I wouldn't feel this way. This is likely uncomfortable..

Once...one of my friends said...
" I know that people change..but I don't want you to change..I want you to be just the same like you used to be with me...and love me like you used to be..because I do ... "
That sentences...made me stepped back for many hundred steps...
Since then on...I disappeared from her life...

Am I somewhat a commitmentphobic?

Why Do I Have To Meet You Again?

2009-04-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

After deleting him.....

I never had any news from him again, except of what Aurora sometimes told me..

well...

in short.. Ali and Aurora's relationship was getting more serious..

somewhere in December..

Aurora told me that Ali was coming to indonesia to see her, and may be to propose her as well..

she told me..

At first, the whole family was welcoming them...but then there was a conflict among them..

She gave me her first call after i gave her my mobile phone number..

next call...she transferred to....guess who????

Ali!!!!!!!!!!!

and that's how i got connected to him again...

when i was typing this post..they have been married for more than four months..

and i have never heard of them anymore...

hope they live happily ever after..till death do them apart..

Aurora, the player

2009-03-17T04:31:00.000-07:00

Still remember Ali? I bet you do. well this is the continuation of the previous post. this time I wanna tell you about Aurora, Ali's girlfriend.....

She's originally from indonesia. a twenty-eight-year old woman. she lives in one part of java island. a woman with a three-year-old daughter. i don't know her job, but at that time she was living with her parents. She is a nice person, witty, and friendly, but....

my first acquaintance with her was when Ali, devil as he is, introduced me to her by saying bad thing about me..ooops..wat i mean is...Ali told Aurora that i was saying bad thing about her...ugh..how can i put it...

the thing is..she was angry with me because of what Ali was saying before...

but...we straighten things up and we became friends just like that..

we shared lots of things..i liked telling her funny stories..while..she sometimes was too occupied with her other friends - once she told me that she had lots of friends from various kinds of network..hundreds of 'em -

her relationship with Ali was like a roallercoaster..up..and down..and up...and down..

once they got a terrible fight, and Ali insisted me on deleting her nick..and i refused..

we kept on being friends later on..and i gave my phone number when she asked me to...

oh!

another thing..she told me that she had another boyfriend from this chatting facility..her boyfriend was from india, too..i forgot a lot of details about him ..

uh well..all and all..

her nick is still on my list til now..but....( to be continued...)

Ali, The Heartbreaker

2009-01-07T04:56:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in my earlier counterpart with this chatting facility - shortened as CF - one of my first acquaintance was an Indian named Ali. We met at a chat room ( which no longer exist ). He is 24. And I quite frankly told him that I'm 31. He said he didn't mind with that. Soon, we became close. Well, there are lots of things.
Facts:
1. He quitted from his former job to go back to his hometown.
2. He got involved with so many girls before he got back to his hometown - i mean, sexually involved -
3. He drank alcohol - while in fact, he is a muslim -
4. He called himself a devil - and I always called myself an angel -

He was always so polite with me, well sometimes we argued - fought, as he said -, and I don't know why I enjoyed our argument very much, sometimes, the argument was just trying to prove who was the strongest.

On our first talk, he confided in me about his ex-girlfriend. He said that, his girlfriend, the only love of his life, was an indonesian. He had a great relationship with her, after all, they planned to get married. But poor him, her parents disagreed with their plan. FYI, the girl was a widow, and older than him. He became more brokenhearted when he knew that his girlfriend passed away, he wanted to end his life, too. Failing to end his life, he ended up a player and a drinker.

Well, I dunno if that was the real story or he just made it up. I didn't comment about his former habit. For me, that's his business, there was nothing to do with me. That's why he said that I always tolerated him. I said.. well..that's ur life....

Then one day, he introduced me with Aurora - not her real name -, his new girlfriend in CF. At that time, they were fighting. He thought, Aurora was cheating on him, and lied to him a lot. Uh, well, soon my place was in the middle between Ali and Aurora. Don't get me wrong, because they were fighting, I was the one who had to have a clear head, here. Ali pushed me to delete Aurora's nick from my list, I insisted in keeping her nick. So, I was sort of against him. I still have Aurora's nick until now.

Aurora, an Indonesian girl who is again, older than Ali, told me that Ali was quite capable of breaking girls' heart very much. He actually told me that he liked 'playing' with girls in this CF, pretending he was really in love with them. He did it just for fun. Aurora said that he could be very inconsiderate and heartless with those poor girls. Those girls would do anything for him - I don't need to be very specific with that - and he treated them heartlessly, devilishly..Uh, well..he said he was a devil, and that's true. One fact. Once he had ever asked me to send him my picture, but I refused, and I refused hard. The thing that soon I felt so grateful because I didn't do it.

My last chat with him.
An Idul Fitri eve. I prayed Ied a day before the national Ied. I had the reason why I prayed Ied earlier. He couldn't take it. He said bad things. I told him that my little brother did the same thing with me. He scolded my brother. I was furious. I deleted from my list him right away, and off he went..out of my contact list. For good.

Or not yet?

Find out on the next post...

My New Toy

2008-12-31T00:54:00.000-08:00

Well....well...well...

Here I come again

with the brand new ideas

fresh from the oven

This post

followed with my next post will have related topic

My New Toy!!

What's that?

It's a quite long story, actually, but i will shorten it

Chatting!!

Anyone knows about it?

Yes, of course. Some people are crazy about it, some people loath it.

what about it?

Ok, a bit flashback

some months ago, a friend of mine introduced me to one of the chatting facilities. I don need to mention its name. Soon, i got attached to it. There are two things i do when i don't have anything to do.

One. Read

Two. Chat

when i don't have any interesting reading materials, i will just chat. and chat. and chat.

Hmmm...

Am wondering about myself.

And then..

Aha!

I got a brilliant idea.

My relationship with my cyber friends are not as smooth as a toll way.

And that gave me an idea.

Why don't write it in my blog?

What blogs are for?

So, again the next post will be about my craziness for chatting and the people in it..

So, I guess, this is it..

See you on the next post..

Marriage

2008-07-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Technically, marriage means that two people, man an woman, are gathered by the holy matrimony. After doing some rituals, they will be legal to each other. they are legal in both eyes, nation's eyes, and religion's eyes.

Not so long ago, a friend of mine asked me if my folks are being so fussy about me being still single in my age now. FYI, I'm 31, going to 32. And single.

I told her quite frankly, that my parents never confronted me with such thing like that. Not that they don't care about my well being. I knot they do. I also know that they will never do such thing like pushing me or being so fussy about my marriage plan (just yet) ;p

I, myself, am still quite comfortable with my condition. If someone asks me " Don't you want to get married, considering your age, now?"

I will be answering "Well, to some extent, I can't tell"

What I mean is, right now I'm OK with myself. I'm OK with my being husbandless or childless. Well the part of childless is not quite right. I wanna children of my own, but to have children requires husband, doesn't it? It's really confusing..^_^

What can I say?

In our society, when you reach a certain kind of age, let's say, 23 up, people will expect you to be married. They will start being fussy when you reach 25, fussier when you reach 30, and much fussier when you reach 35.

Do I care about it?

Lucky me, my closest people don't belong to the fussy ones. Since they never cornered me with the obligation to get married in my age now, I'm doing fine.

Some people had asked me the question, though. "When are you going to tie the knot?" "Don't forget to invite me when you get married, will you?" Arrrrrgghhh....

Usually, my answer is very sweet. I will say "Soon. Pray for me, will you?"

Funny thing happened, when I had a chat with someone through a chatting facility at the internet.

Buddy : Hi

Ve : Hi

Buddy : Asl?

Ve : u 1st

Buddy : 28M

Ve : me 31F

Buddy : wow

Ve : yeah

Buddy : ar u muslim?

Ve : yeah

Ve : and proud of it

Buddy : me too

Buddy : married?

Ve : nope

Ve : still single

Ve : why?

Buddy : Why aren't you married?

Buddy : u ar 31 already

Ve : So what if I'm 31

(irritated)

Buddy : don't u want to get married?

Ve : do I need to get married?

Buddy : What?

Buddy : U said dat u ar a muslim, right?

Ve : yeah, then?

Buddy : U know dat getting married is a must for a muslim

Ve : So?

Buddy : So..

Buddy : come back 2 my que

Buddy : why aren't u married?

Whoaaa...!!!

Capee deee.....!!!!!

"Do I need a husband now?"

I'm getting married one day. Dunno when.

But, if I ask myself, " do I really really need a husband now? "

The answer is....

Dunno...

For me, marriage or being married isn't the answer of every question. Not that if you're married you'll reach the top of the world. Uh, maybe yes, for a while.

But for me, marriage means a whole lot of responsibilities. Getting married, then be ready with all the risks, the challenges, the struggle..

Am I prepared with that? Won't I be screwing it up? Do I dare to take a chance?

I believe that GOD has prepared someone for me out there. I dunno when HE will meet me with that person. But I don't need to rush anything. Maybe HE just wait until I'm ready...

Till then, I'm happy with myself now...

Dare to take a chance

2008-07-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

This isn't my first time blogging. Before, I wrote and am still writing at my Friendster blog. A friend of mine introduce me to this blog, so I decided to take a chance writing here, after a very long and thoughtful thought. Here I am, presenting apensiveonmyown...